Who Should I Marry?
Will God tell you exactly who you should marry?
I was 21 years old sitting at a Starbucks with one of my mentors. Maybe he could smell it through my polo sport cologne or hear it in my sleep deprived, over caffeinated voice, but he immediately identified my inner angst.
“Brandon, do you want me to just tell you who you should marry?”
YES. Dear Lord in Heaven, YES. I wanted to be married so badly. I feared a life of singleness. But it seemed such a mystery to me. Mainly because of statements I grew up hearing like…
“God has someone for everyone.”
”Find the one.”
”Ask God to show you the one He has for you!”
While none of these are bad on their own, they imply that God only has one person for you to marry and it’s your job to figure out who it is.
While God may not tell us the exact name of our future spouse, He does tell us who we should marry. And then, He gives us freedom to pursue that person to enter a covenant that mirrors The Gospel of Jesus Christ!
If you are a follower of Jesus, who should you marry?
Another follower of Jesus.
2 Corinthians 6:14 tells us as followers of Jesus we are not supposed to be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers. The image is one of farming equipment where two animals would get into a yoke and carry equipment to work the ground. If one of the animals is bigger than the other, it doesn’t work since they would just walk around in circles. When you date or attempt to marry someone who doesn’t follow Jesus, nine times out of ten, you will be the one that concedes in order to move forward. Sadly, this often means having to walk away from Jesus to serve another master. Instead, go ahead and lock in a non-negotiable: I will only marry another follower of Jesus.
A follower of Jesus at a similar spiritual maturity.
God doesn’t just want you to marry someone who says they are a Christian. He wants you to spend your life with someone who shares a similar devotion to Him. Let’s go back to the yoke analogy in 2 Corinthians 6. When the animals in the yoke are different sizes, they spin in circles, going no where. This is what it’s like when you marry someone who doesn’t share your devotion to Jesus. You will often feel like you are just spinning in circles in life or worst, totally stalled. I can’t tell you the number of people who have sat with Ellen and I and have said something like, “I just don’t understand, she said she was a Christian before we got married.” Unfortunately, we live in a part of the world where calling yourself a Christian and actually following Jesus can be two different things. It’s not enough to ask on the first date, “do you go to church?” or “are you a Christian?” No, find out their spiritual maturity. Believe what you see, not what you hear.
A person who refuses to make you the center of their world.
This doesn’t sound very romantic, does it? It’s always a little cringy to me when brides and grooms write their own vows and say something to this extent. No offense if you’ve done this! I just believe the Bible is clear that God wants us to marry someone who makes Jesus the center of their world. It’s too big a burden for us to bear to be the center of someone else’s world or make them the center of ours. It’s a set up for utter failure. 1 Corinthians 7:35 tells us that the whole point of singleness and marriage is for us to completely undivided in our devotion to The Lord Jesus. When you find someone who has made Christ the center of their world, that means they don’t need you to feel secure. It means they aren’t depending on you to make them whole. And it means when you need what only God can give, you have a partner who can help you find that.
Someone who is already serving The Lord.
Ephesians 5:21-33 gives us a beautiful picture of why God created marriage. The husband is supposed to love his wife sacrificially. The wife is supposed to respect her husband submissively. And when they do that together, we are given a picture of how God loves us and we are to respond to Him. Sacrificial love. Submissive respect. These are the marks of someone who serves. Marry the guy who is already sacrificing for his Lord because he loves Him. Marry the girl who is already respecting the dignity of others because she is totally submitted to God. If they tell you they want to serve God with you but they don’t go to church, they are lying to you.
Is there anyone like this currently in your path? Maybe you should slide in the DMs.